My mother is making me insane.
Yes, I completely realize that I should have cut the bitch loose years ago, but every time I think about doing so I feel incredibly guilty. Except today. Today, that idea is looking pretty damned good.
You see, my stepfather died in April. And truth be told, I'm glad the bastard is dead. He wasn't good for a whole hell of a lot, except bringing income into the household...and even then, not a hell of a lot. He spent from the time I was five until I was eight molesting me, and beating my mother. He continued to beat her for thirteen years. She was his third wife - he murdered the first one, beat the second until she left, and after twenty-something years of marriage to my mother he's finally dead. He can't hurt her anymore. Personally, I think that's a good thing.
She, on the other hand, is grieving. Hard. She's hallucinating him all over the place...was freaking out on the 4th 'cause she thinks he's haunting her...I cast wards on her apartment and ringed his urn with salt. Normally I wouldn't have done it, but she looked so scared, and I felt sorry for her...
...on the 5th, she decided to shove Christianity in my face again. I told her that we just needed to agree to disagree, but that's not good enough for her. She's afraid that I'm going to burn in hell for my witchcraft, though to her credit she tries not to say it too often. I appreciate the concern, but her beliefs are not mine, and I'd really like her to leave me the hell alone about them.
Anyway, on the 4th she gave me some money to set up the internment arrangements for Bob's ashes. She asked me to do it as quickly as possible, 'cause she feels that his remains need to get out of the apartment so he can "move on". So, I took the money and agreed to do it - Justin has been working on the arrangements all week. Today, she got some letter from the Veteran's Administration saying she -might- be able to get benefits off Bob, and so she muttered something about wanting to wait until the outcome of that is determined.
Thing is, he had an undesirable discharge. No benefits off him, period. So I don't know what she's waiting for...Bob flat out said when he was alive that there would be nothing, I've told her over and over again that there will be nothing...and still she's hoping. I have no idea why - except for the fact that she's completely out of her fucking mind.
For some reason, she keeps thinking that he'll be able to be buried at Willamette National Cemetery, like her first husband was. It's not going to happen, and she needs to get this through her delusional fucking skull.
Of course, this is the woman who has deluded herself into thinking that she didn't kick me out at fourteen, instead saying I ran away...this is the woman that justified lying to Social Security about my whereabouts and spending my checks for four years by sending me one-sixth of the checks each month...so i suppose I should have expected her to delude herself about this as well.
At this point, if she decides to wait on interring Bob, she's going to have to do it herself. I don't have the patience to deal with her crap anymore. Hell, I don't have the patience to deal with my own issues.
For my entire life, she has consistently chosen herself or her husband over my well-being...and I for some reason keep trying to take care of her. No more. I'm done. I won't make the choices she did - I will never pick anyone over my children. And that's what it's coming down to...she demands more attention than my girls and I can't give it to her.
I won't.
It's not my job.
She's a grown woman, if she can't take care of herself it's not my problem.
Right?